SHORT STORY

REGRET

One day after that day I lived without you and without someone else by my side. I just lived without the live that I wanted. All looked like a desert sand that it was impossible, I just hope it would not happen between me and him but it was too late. I did not know who destroyed our story but I know we had been started it. I think it was just an illusion. In fact my life without him, it was like a desert that longs for rain.

 I took my white guitar next to my bed and started to think about what had happened to me, why I had a very different attitude from others. And made them uncomfortable including him who abandoned me. Singing this song is like describing my current self-right now, I really loved this song.

My life is incomplete
It’s Missing you

Another day passed today, nothing different
Being alone doesn’t feel awkward at all
I thought I couldn’t live without you but this is my life now
But I do feel a little empty, I guess I’m still at that place

I’ll let it all out so I can feel relieved
But it’s alright to care about what happened in the past
When I think I can see the answer
Sometimes, it becomes a prison that traps me
But time only goes forward
And I’ve done nothing

You’re still in my heart

I was missing you and another day passed
I was missing you and another year passed
this is how I live
As I long for you, long for you

I sighed and my tears streamed down, today I saw him with someone new. Their faces was very blushing, he looked once he was so happy without me. I wiped my tears on the cheeks and hugged my guitar and my heart was hurt. I saw a bright star in the sky, it looked as if everything was fine. But all were illusions. My heart is still into him.

Suddenly, there was an email notification. I immediately opened the email and I was invited to attend an inauguration ceremony of a new product launch my company in The Westin Jakarta. I was a marketing manager who handled some products that would be launched soon according to an agreement approved by the top brass.

“I know, I will be there… I don’t have to prepare important the things that women do, because I am perfect” I said and I put my guitar in its place.

“Better soon, I sleep and come to unnecessary event.” I pulled the blanked and saw my reality.

The sun raised with radiant light as usual. It looked very dazzled but I always smiled when the rays kiss my cheek, the warmth made my day beautiful. I immediately got out of bed and took a shower. I walked into the bathroom and I heard someone ring my bell. I walked to go to the door. Who knows, maybe the cleaning service wanted to clean my room, but this was still at 7 am. I opened the door but nobody was just a paper bag with a carton of vanilla milk and a slice of my favorite pandanus cake.

“Thanks by the way, whoever gave this great breakfast” I said alone in the front of the door.

He smiled behind the green wall.

I immediately take a shower because the clock already shows 7.15 am, it means I have 45 minutes to prepare. I played the weekend’s song to make a good mood for today. I used the foundation to flatten my face and use a little powder and then polished blush on and lipstick. I did not need to use an eyebrow pencil because my eyebrows were thick and good.

When I arrived at The Westin Jakarta, I saw so many people who attended this event. How the guess was enthusiast for this event. I used black dress and also Dior’s high heels to make me perfect today. I greeted some relation there and met company officials. This event looked like glamour style and the music played jazz instruments.  When I took a drink, I saw him again with his woman. Whether the world should be boring like this. He looked at me with a gasp, I just acted like nothing happened to us but my heart was left with him.

“Where have you been, Anya?” someone asked me.

“Do you ask me? Who are you?” I asked him and he smiled like a fool people do.

“Sorry for everything that I ever did to you. I know I did wrong.” He looked my eyes.

“What did you to do with me?” I stared at him.

“I dumped you and left you.” He said.

“I was the first that dumped you, I never reply your feeling by through words. But for true, I loved you the most behind that romantic shit words that you wanted from me” and I left him alone, he pulled my hand.

“Evan, everything is over right? I am not good person to you even you caught my first kiss. Just love her for now” my cheeks flushed, and my tears began to be unstoppable and unbearable.

“I'm sorry to leave you alone, I know you're vulnerable without me.” He spoke to himself.

The moment that I needed is, get out of here as soon as possible, so he would not see me in my own stupidity. Or perhaps his ignorance I did not realize? I do not know anything seems disappointing to me. My feet were so sick with these pesky shoes, why should everything happen to me. My tears came down with the swift I sat on the road while waiting for the online taxi I had ordered. All I wanted right now just slept, maybe it will ease my pain just for a moment.

When I got home, I saw a sunflower bouquet in front of my apartment door. Who took this flower in front of the door, and I pulled out a small piece of paper by the flower.

‘Just let it go your past.

And take your own happiness.

You can’t stuck in that place alone’

By: your shadow.

“Who is he? Why does he know everything that happened to me? Does he Glenn? It impossible” I was mad and opened the door.

“Rang… rang…rang…” my phone was ringing.

“Hello…?”

“Hey Anya, are you okay. I saw you crying in the road? Any something happened to you? I was worrying about you.” Glenn said and he sounded panicky.

“I am okay. I just saw him again. That’s hurt me” I replied him. And lay in my bed.

“You loved him, but he does not deserve you. Please understand it” My best friend sounded like he mad at me.

“I know it my baby boy, you know me so well. I am not easy to move on soon” I said it, and smiled.

 “I know you, you are the person when you fall with someone, and you will love him till end even you don’t want to express it. You're a jealous person. Selfish when dealing with love. Everything you can handle. But you can’t live alone and do anything by yourself forever. You can’t always get your freedom life. God has the rules that you should do. Change your mind set.” He given me attention.

“I do not know what to do. I just want to live happily, and claim everything is mine.” I turned off the phone.

I sighed, and went soaking in warm water, maybe it can reduce my stress. All my work has also been handled by my assistant. Thinking of myself will not be endless, what I should do even I do not know to finding someone who like me too I do not understand what to do.

My life has been so bad since my father left my mother for a few years, he disappeared without a trace of where he has been since he has a twisted debt. And my sister who took care of it all. When I was 17 years old. My mother was living with my married sister. And I lived alone to make me an adult person, it was impossible if I lived with them forever, I have to be independent. Even though they usually called me every week and asked me to seek them but I did not want to see them before I got my success , My life just like this was not my desire. Just a few factors that make me live alone. That’s why I can do everything by myself.

I was heading for an office apartment, I wanted to find out who sent me a bouquet flowers and a carton of milk and some of my favorite cakes. Maybe, he was an intruder or a psych who wanted to kill me subtly. I had to act decisively before it was too late.

“Excuse me? Anybody here?” I was looking someone in this office.

“Any problem miss?” he asked me, he leaned the edge of the door.

“I want to know, someone who gave some things to me today by using CCTV, can you show me?” I sat in the chair and saw the office.

“It is our privacy, but it is okay if you want to see your secret admirer...ha-ha please fill this form first miss...” he gave me a form.

I filled out some data on the form provided by the apartment staff. And he sit on his bench, he focused on finding affordable CCTV’s videos that closed to my room. He looked upset and his brow wrinkled. The staff's face turned pale and his hands shook.

“What happened?” I asked him.

“Someone who gave you those things, I can’t see him clearly, he looks so terrible.” He replied me with his anxiety.

“Is he weird? Or is he a psych?” I asked him curiously

I approached the computer that the staff was using. I could see the video clearly. But I could not see the man's face. He wore a black hat and a jacket that covered his entire body. He looks like a father but how could he meet me in such a strange way. My dad would ask a lot of money if he was looking for me and meet me. Dad is not a mysterious figure as I see in this video CCTV.

“I have to report it to the police, he will hurt me someday” I said.

“I think we should handle him first, after that we have to report to the police if he really intended to hurt you. That’s my advice. And I am also one part of the security of this apartment” he given me an advice. And I agreed.

The next day, according to staff strategy overnight. He would keep a watch me that he was not far from my room. He would arrest and investigate the person. Somebody knocked on my door. I unlocked it. And I opened it.

“Do you have a news for me?” I asked him. And he nodded and whispered something to me.

“I just find some evidences base on the CCTV videos last night” he looked so serious.

I went to the office of the apartment. And he given those evidences that he got last night. I saw that he put a box in front of my bedroom door, and there were two men seen spying on the man's eyes, the man ran away quickly wherever he went, the man was worried, anxious and his body trembling.

“Who are those men over there?” I was curious.

“I don’t know, I just saw him running so fast when he came.” He said.

“It’s so strange to see him like this, I guess he is a good person” I sat in the chair in front of that staff.

After seeing the incident, that staff and I made a new strategy to reveal what's going on with all these cases, why he should follow me and disturb my life.

The next day, I went to go to work and I felt there was nothing happened to me. I lived my day as usual. I was doing my boring job and must speak to other people for make them convince. This live was like clichés which was always spinning. I moved on from that cases because he never disturbed me again after that incident.

****************************3 days latter ********************************

“What do you mean? Do you need some money from me? Why do you come back?” I asked him and cried.

“I just worried about my little girl. You are living alone here. I know what happened to you since I left. I can’t get out you from my mind. I am sorry. I have to leave you and you mother.” Ha said with his guilty face he shed tears

“Please go to somewhere that I can’t find you, and you can’t find me. I can live alone here, no one can stop me to go anywhere, any time. And please take care our mom, he was really working hard for you and also Rania.” my eyes were red, my tears were dammed and I was dying to hit this old man but I realized he's my parents.

“I miss you. I know your bad life now, is because of me. I had taught you the wrong lesson. I apologize for you, your mother and your sister. But we are very difficult to be together. My mistake is too much.” He felt sorry for everything.

“Just leave us, and take your regret. I can’t be brave to take the responsibility of the relationship. I want to live what I want to.” I replied.

I left him with tears streaming down my cheeks. I really hated the moment I was facing right now. Everything was nothing that beautiful in my eyes. Only disappointment, regret and anxiety that would ultimately be like dust that could be blown away by the wind.

Suddenly, I heard a car clash behind me. I looked back. And my father got hit by the car. Then the car left without any responsibility. I ran to my father. His blood splattered down his head. I know there was someone behind my father’s death. I know that driver because I could see him clearly when he looked back at me, it seems like a person in the CCTV videos that I watched a few days ago.

“I am sorry dad. I’m not a good daughter.” I was screaming, I regret.

The main character in this story is Anya, she is selfish, and she is really like vanilla milk and pandanous cake. She is never afraid of everything except .she is just afraid of love, it will hurt her slowly. She is a good person, relaxed, and easy to cope for a certain moment. She is moody. She is very stubborn. She can forget anything if working.  She is very aloof. She always thought that he could do anything without helping by others.